“10,000 Mexican eggs in it – Only 2 have hatched so far!!!”

Posted on July 30, 2008. Filed under: Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Two Mexicans are riding along the Pacific Coast Highway on a motorbike. They experience a break down and start to hitch a ride. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can be of some help and the Mexicans ask him for a lift.

He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is carrying 10,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans ask the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with their bike, will he take them to the next town and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze their motorcycle and themselves into the back of the trailer so the driver shuts the doors and gets back on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough the California Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies jokingly– “Mexican eggs.”

The policeman obviously doesn’t believe this so he wants to take a look.

He opens the back door of the trailer and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.

“I’ve got a trailer with 10,000 Mexican eggs in it – Only 2 have hatched so far but they’ve already managed to steal a motorcycle.”

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
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Did you ever NOTICE, you can NEVER get things done!

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Advice, Interesting, Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

This is how it develops:


I decide to water my garden.


As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.


As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.


I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.


I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.


So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.


But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox, when I take-out the garbage any-way, I may as well, pay the bills first.


I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left


My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.


I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.


I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide, I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.


As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.


I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.


I decide, I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.


I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly, I spot the TV remote, Someone left it on the kitchen table.


I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.


I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.


Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day:


—-the car isn’t washed,
—-the bills aren’t paid,
—-there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
—-the flowers don’t have enough water,
—-there is still only 1 check in my check book,
—-I can’t find the remote,
—-I can’t find my glasses,
—-and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.


Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired.


I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it


BUT, first I’ll check my e-mail.

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
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Investment ADVICE: What should you invest in, so you make lots of MONEY?!!!

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Jokes, Money Saving Tips, Political, Save Your Dough! | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of:

  • Nortel stock a few years ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
  • With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
  • With WorldCom (BEFORE it was sold to Verizon for Zilch), you would have had less than $5.00 left.
  • If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink heavily and recycle.

Let people you care about, know…


and tell them to Start Now!!!

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
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“Please AVOID the Rodeo!!!!”

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Advice, Jokes, Please, Rodeo | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |



BS”D


My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’


My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs  …Smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year.’



We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’




We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’


My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW~~That’s more than twice a week! ………You could learn a lot from him.’

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,


‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR’



My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said:  ‘That’s once a day……You could REALLY learn something from this one.’

I looked at her and said: ‘Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.’



Honestly——–My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery!



I got one advice for you: “Please avoid Rodeo”

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
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Someone told me: “I could be wrong, but judging by his hat, this guy ain’t gonna make it!!!!”

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Interesting, Jokes, Political | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Place: EMERGENCY ROOM
ALABAMA MEDICAL CENTER

Date: The 60’s!!

One guy said to me: “I could be wrong, but judging by his hat, this guy ain’t gonna make it!!!!”

BUT, if you believe in G-o-d and you see NO COLORS, a patient is just a patient, NO Matter IF he is even a piece garbage like that! in the middle of this picture

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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Didn’t your mother tell you: “STOP Playing With Your FOOD and EAT It?!?!?!”

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Interesting, Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

This is a cool view at food & fruits:

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?!?!?!

Posted on July 23, 2008. Filed under: Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD??

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me . . .

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road . . .

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although, I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C% …….. reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I INVENTED the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss ONE?

DICK CHENEY:
Where’s my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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