Did you ever NOTICE, you can NEVER get things done!

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Advice, Interesting, Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

This is how it develops:


I decide to water my garden.


As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.


As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.


I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.


I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.


So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.


But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox, when I take-out the garbage any-way, I may as well, pay the bills first.


I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left


My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.


I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.


I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide, I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.


As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.


I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.


I decide, I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.


I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly, I spot the TV remote, Someone left it on the kitchen table.


I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.


I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.


Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day:


—-the car isn’t washed,
—-the bills aren’t paid,
—-there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
—-the flowers don’t have enough water,
—-there is still only 1 check in my check book,
—-I can’t find the remote,
—-I can’t find my glasses,
—-and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.


Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired.


I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it


BUT, first I’ll check my e-mail.

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
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Investment ADVICE: What should you invest in, so you make lots of MONEY?!!!

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Jokes, Money Saving Tips, Political, Save Your Dough! | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of:

  • Nortel stock a few years ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
  • With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
  • With WorldCom (BEFORE it was sold to Verizon for Zilch), you would have had less than $5.00 left.
  • If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink heavily and recycle.

Let people you care about, know…


and tell them to Start Now!!!

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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“Please AVOID the Rodeo!!!!”

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Advice, Jokes, Please, Rodeo | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |



BS”D


My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’


My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs  …Smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year.’



We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’




We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’


My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW~~That’s more than twice a week! ………You could learn a lot from him.’

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,


‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR’



My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said:  ‘That’s once a day……You could REALLY learn something from this one.’

I looked at her and said: ‘Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.’



Honestly——–My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery!



I got one advice for you: “Please avoid Rodeo”

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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