Jokes

What might happen IF we LOSE the War in Iraq????

Posted on November 2, 2008. Filed under: Arabs/Moslems, Clean humor, Clean Joke, Clean Jokes, cute, Funny, Humor, Islam, Jokes, Moslems, Poilitical Humor, Political, Political Jokes, We CRAVE Change, We NEED Change, What IF we lose Iraq, What IF we lose War in Iraq | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

This is what someone e-mailed me about What might happen IF we LOSE the War in Iraq????



MY G-d!
What might happen IF we LOSE the War in Iraq????

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***


By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.


*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***


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Funny, but, true: “We CRAVE Change”

Posted on October 12, 2008. Filed under: 2008 Candidates, Cash In Your Pocket!, Change, cute, Dude, Economy, Election, Election 2008, How Much CHANGE can YOU forget-about?!?!, How Much CHANGE do YOU Crave?!?!, Humor, Hussein, Interesting, Jokes, Money Saving Tips, NEW taxes, Obama, President, Presidential Elections, Presidential Elections 2008, Save Some Cash!, Save Some Dough, Save Your Dough!, Truth, We CRAVE Change, We NEED Change, weird | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

I got this funny e-mail that spells-out the truth!!!!!

TO ALL MY FRIENDS & FAMILY….LIBERAL OR CONSERVATIVE……..FYI  only.
George Bush has been in office for 7 1/2 years.  The first six the economy was fine.
A little over one year ago:
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3) the unemployment rate was 4.5%.
4) the DOW JONES hit a record high–14,000 +
5) American’s were buying new cars, taking cruises, vacations overseas, living large!…

But American’s wanted ‘CHANGE’!  So, in 2006 they voted in a Democratic Congress and yes–we got ‘CHANGE’ all right. In the PAST YEAR:
1) Consumer confidence has plummeted ;
2) Gasoline is now over $4 to $6 (depending on where you live) a gallon & climbing!;
3) Unemployment is up to 5.5% (a 10% increase);
4) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $12 TRILLION
DOLLARS and prices still dropping;
5) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.
6) as I write, THE DOW is probing another low~~
$2.5 TRILLION DOLLARS HAS EVAPORATED FROM THEIR
STOCKS, BONDS & MUTUAL FUNDS INVESTMENT
PORTFOLIOS!
YES, IN 2006 AMERICA VOTED FOR CHANGE…AND WE SURE GOT IT!  ….
REMEMBER, THE PRESIDENT HAS NO CONTROL OVER ANY OF THESE ISSUES, ONLY CONGRESS.
AND WHAT HAS CONGRESS DONE IN THE LAST TWO YEARS, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. (Other $168 Billion added by the Democrats as an incentive to pass the $700 Billion of NEEDed money that the taxpayers, their children, their grand-children and many generations after them will be paying for)
NOW THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT CLAIMS HE IS GOING TO REALLY GIVE US CHANGE ALONG WITH A DEMOCRATIC CONGRESS!!!!
JUST HOW MUCH MORE ‘CHANGE’ DO YOU THINK YOU CAN STAND?

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***


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Happy Jewish New Year of 5769 – K’siva Vechasima Tova

Posted on September 28, 2008. Filed under: 2008 Candidates, 5769, Animated fun, Biden, candidates, Clean humor, Clean Joke, Clean Jokes, cute, Dude, Election, Election 2008, Fun, Funny, G'zunt, Happiness, happy 5769, happy New Year, Hatzlacha, Humor, Interesting, Jewish New Year, Jewish traditions, John, John McCain, Jokes, K'siva, K'tiva, McCain, Nachas, New year, New Year 5769, Obama, Palin, Parnasa, Parnassa, Peace, Rosh, Rosh Hashana, Rosh Hashanah, Shana, Shana Tova, sweet, Tova, True, Truth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

I’d like to wish you all, “a Happy Jewish New Year of 5769 – K’siva Vechasima Tova Leshana Tova Umesuka”

Listen & Watch!

I thought I was a man of many words, BUT i was going-over some of the messages sent to me by my other friends and/or family members, i thought to myself: “Why plagiarize when I can send some funny YouTube videos your way that seem to be NOT only Kosher but also, a little cute!”

Rosh Hashana Rap:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjlnTh26lyk&feature=related

All the candidates get-together to wish you a happy Rosh-Hashana:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhSKW9n13s&feature=related

Children singing for Rosh-Hashana:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUezP9Eu4m0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1QK2c3c0PQ

ok, OK, Ok! I know!!!!

Oddly!

You did NOT (?!?!?) like them!

So, I’ll just say (while plagiarizing from ONLY some of the clichés other people sent me):

“May you & your loved ones be inscribed and sealed – K’siva Vechasima Tova – in the book of life, Leshana Tova Umesuka (for a Good, Happy & Sweet Year)”

AND: “No matter what we did or said to each-other, it’s time to forgive & forget, even-if some of us are hardcore Obama freaks who can NOT see the truth”

AND: “Brachos of HaGaFeN (Hatzlacha – Success, G’zunt – Health, Parnassa –Abundant livelihood and Nachas – Joy to enjoy it all) in new upcoming year!!!!”

And last, but NOT the least: “I wish you, all the best from the bottom of my heart!”

Because, I want to say of all of the above, BUT, I think, other people just say it more eloquently!

In case you need to find a Synagogue near to attend the Rosh-Hashana services, please go to the following website:


http://www.chabad.org/holidays/jewishnewyear/calendar_events.htm

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***


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Can You Read This????

Posted on August 4, 2008. Filed under: Interesting, Jokes | Tags: , , , |

BS”D

Can You Read This????

Try to read this.

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs?

Olny 55 out of 100 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

if you can raed tihs,  tell plepoe about it.

ONLY TELL PEOPLE TO COME & READ THIS BLOG, IF YOU CAN READ THIS


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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
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“10,000 Mexican eggs in it – Only 2 have hatched so far!!!”

Posted on July 30, 2008. Filed under: Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Two Mexicans are riding along the Pacific Coast Highway on a motorbike. They experience a break down and start to hitch a ride. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can be of some help and the Mexicans ask him for a lift.

He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is carrying 10,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans ask the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with their bike, will he take them to the next town and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze their motorcycle and themselves into the back of the trailer so the driver shuts the doors and gets back on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough the California Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies jokingly– “Mexican eggs.”

The policeman obviously doesn’t believe this so he wants to take a look.

He opens the back door of the trailer and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.

“I’ve got a trailer with 10,000 Mexican eggs in it – Only 2 have hatched so far but they’ve already managed to steal a motorcycle.”

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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Did you ever NOTICE, you can NEVER get things done!

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Advice, Interesting, Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

This is how it develops:


I decide to water my garden.


As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.


As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.


I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.


I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.


So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.


But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox, when I take-out the garbage any-way, I may as well, pay the bills first.


I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left


My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.


I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.


I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide, I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.


As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.


I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.


I decide, I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.


I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly, I spot the TV remote, Someone left it on the kitchen table.


I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.


I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.


Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day:


—-the car isn’t washed,
—-the bills aren’t paid,
—-there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
—-the flowers don’t have enough water,
—-there is still only 1 check in my check book,
—-I can’t find the remote,
—-I can’t find my glasses,
—-and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.


Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired.


I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it


BUT, first I’ll check my e-mail.

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
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Investment ADVICE: What should you invest in, so you make lots of MONEY?!!!

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Jokes, Money Saving Tips, Political, Save Your Dough! | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of:

  • Nortel stock a few years ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
  • With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
  • With WorldCom (BEFORE it was sold to Verizon for Zilch), you would have had less than $5.00 left.
  • If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink heavily and recycle.

Let people you care about, know…


and tell them to Start Now!!!

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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“Please AVOID the Rodeo!!!!”

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Advice, Jokes, Please, Rodeo | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |



BS”D


My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’


My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs  …Smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year.’



We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’




We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: ‘THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’


My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW~~That’s more than twice a week! ………You could learn a lot from him.’

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,


‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR’



My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said:  ‘That’s once a day……You could REALLY learn something from this one.’

I looked at her and said: ‘Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.’



Honestly——–My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery!



I got one advice for you: “Please avoid Rodeo”

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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Someone told me: “I could be wrong, but judging by his hat, this guy ain’t gonna make it!!!!”

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Interesting, Jokes, Political | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Place: EMERGENCY ROOM
ALABAMA MEDICAL CENTER

Date: The 60’s!!

One guy said to me: “I could be wrong, but judging by his hat, this guy ain’t gonna make it!!!!”

BUT, if you believe in G-o-d and you see NO COLORS, a patient is just a patient, NO Matter IF he is even a piece garbage like that! in the middle of this picture

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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Didn’t your mother tell you: “STOP Playing With Your FOOD and EAT It?!?!?!”

Posted on July 28, 2008. Filed under: Interesting, Jokes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

BS”D

This is a cool view at food & fruits:

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*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***

By the way, You, too, can help hasten the coming of Moshiach by doing ONE more Mitzvah.

*** We WANT Moshiach, Now!!! ***
————————————————————————

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